Conversation

Why are you sitting there with that rolled-up Radio Times?

I’m going to kill that fly.

What fly?

The one that keeps flying about.

I haven’t seen a fly.

That’s because you’re not looking.

I’ve got better things to do than look for flies.

Like watching Coronation Street I suppose.

It doesn’t interfere with you. Coronation Street isn’t on every day of the week like football.

And Judge Judy.

What’s wrong with Judge Judy?

She’s a dictator: no-one can get a word in when she starts. Female weather forecasters are the same; why do they all have to screech?

Like football commentators I suppose, who believe we are all blind and deaf. And while we are on the subject of football, perhaps you can explain why grown men get thousands of pounds a week for rolling about on their backs holding their faces when all they have done is fall over.

They are just the foreigners: they don’t know any better.

If that’s the reason, why does Rooney keep swearing at referees?

Referees have always been sworn at, even by spectators.

While you are in the mood, why don’t we have the one about women drivers in supermarket car parks.

I could write a book about them. They are the same ones who roar through the village at ten to nine of a morning; late bringing their kids to school and then parking all over the place blocking the roads. “You shouldn’t park there”, I said to one whose car was parked on the zig-zag yellow lines outside the school. “I’m not parked, I’m just waiting”, she fired back!

Do as I do then; don’t go out until they’ve gone.

If I do that, by the time I get to the supermarket they have bagged all the parking spaces with their 4x4’s and people carriers, or are driving round and round like Lewis Hamilton at Silverstone.

Like the boy BMW racers who can’t bear the thought of anyone else on the road – at least not in front of them. And go careful with that Radio Times.

I’ll try: the fly’s on your head.




Now you can see why we should kill flies! 




If you want to see more fly pictures, Google 'Dead Flies' by Magnus Muhr.